My partner and I have been together for five years, and his parents still tell us that we will both go to hell if we don’t get on the bandwagon. We’ve told them on several instances, ‘Hey, this is how we choose to live, and if you support/tolerate it, fine. But you really don’t have a say.’" —audiej Overall, I always had trouble with my racial identity. I’d always feel like I never belonged and like I was always too light skinned or too tan. I love my family very much, but they don’t understand how hard it can be sometimes. I always feel left out." —bb4225 Decades later, a lot of that animosity is gone — mostly because my mom devoted her retirement to taking care of my grandparents. But truthfully, I’m still not over it. I still feel panicked when I think of having to see family at the holidays because I’ve been conditioned to think that it will be miserable. I don’t have any connection to my Indian heritage. Though I wish I did, I’m too scared of being hurt to try to learn. I have an aunt and uncle that I have cut out of my life completely because they treated us the worst, even though I’ve heard that they have softened up in their old age." —Liz, 38 As an adult, I feel a deep sense of loss for growing up without feeling connected to the Black community." —Mel, 34 Because of how ambiguous I look (I’ve gotten Spanish/Hispanic, Arab, Filipina, Mauri, etc.), locals will assume I’m also from whatever country I’m traveling in. It can either be very cool or confusing, because they speak to you in the native language or don’t tell you about things that they might tell other tourists." —Klaudia, 29, Asia As a teen, I just gave up telling people not because I was ashamed, but it was too exhausting to keep up with everyone and their questions. I still speak Hawaiian with my grandma and have taken up dance again, but it took a long time to get back to my roots without feeling like I didn’t belong to either side." —morgan_le_slay Also, it’s super racist to ‘compliment’ Brown people for their lighter-skinned kids. It’s 2022, people. Keep that colorist shit to yourselves." —breannap2 —Anonymous, 30, London As for my hair, I got to my 20s before I decided not to keep perming it. The funny thing is that I’m now in my late 40s, and it’s curling on its own. It’s actually starting to look like my birth mom’s. I have no idea how or why." —cr1stalfairie —cicada4528 —raquelf4851008ac My mom’s parents also initially didn’t like my dad and were kind of racist at first. But as they grew to know him and his side of the family, my maternal grandpa actually found that he really liked my dad, and my maternal grandma (who came from Germany as a young child) fell in love with Native American culture." —magicconnch —Anonymous, 25, Pennsylvania In general, the US has really backward misconceptions of race and ethnicity. Quite frankly, it’s exhausting to constantly have to qualify, educate, and explain myself." —Brandon, 29, Hawaiʻi —Kindsey, 35, California —LMJ, 28 —Brittany, 36, NYC
